How Not to be Annoying at a Pool - A Public Service Announcement
DO NOT FUCKING DO THIS
This is the single most fucking annoying thing I have to deal with when I’m at work.
First of all, I don’t get the appeal. Not one bit. I don’t understand what is so fucking amusing or fascinating about lying limply face down in a pool staring at the floor. I really don’t. Like, honestly, the pool where I work has OTHER THINGS around that you could be doing that don’t put the fucking lifeguards on edge. Like going on a waterslide, or talking to your friends, or actually swimming, or ANY NUMBER OF THINGS THAT INVOLVE HAVING YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE WATER.
Not only is it impractical, it’s downright fucking dangerous to other people.
Cause when I see this, I immediately come to the conclusion that the person’s unconscious, face down in the water, which means I have to go and get them out. But, since a lot of fucking douchebags seem to love doing this, I have to hesitate for at least a few seconds before blowing my whistle and going in the water, just to make sure it’s not some tool fucking around. Which could make a serious difference if the person is legitimately in trouble. So there’s that. Also, there’s the possibility that someone somewhere else in the pool might be in legitimate trouble, but I don’t see it because I’m waiting for you to get your sorry ass face out of the fucking water.
You see how this can get tedious and annoying after a while? Yeah, I see some idiot do this every. fucking. day.
Seriously. If you’re looking for something at the bottom of the pool or trying to hold your breath, move around a bit or blow bubbles or something, just to let us know. Or if you’re trying to practice floating, actually do a proper float, not just lie there.
Because, honestly, I’m a pacifist. But every time I have to wait with my fucking heart in my throat for some douchebag to start breathing again, I am filled with the burning hatred of a thousand desert suns and seized with a desire to punch said toolbag in the face.
Seiously, just don’t do it.